The coffee shop nudge
I was about to pitch. You know that itch—when your idea feels shiny and practiced and you can see the demo in your head? A friend slid a tea across the table and said, "Talk to ten people, but don't sell a thing." It sounded like telling a dog not to chase the ball. And yet, that week, everything shifted because I stayed curious instead of clever.
You don't need fancy funnels to start. You need ten honest conversations. The kind that leave you more interested than when you started. The little grin you get when someone hands you the missing puzzle piece.
Set the table for ten conversations
Pick people who have the problem today, not people who like you. If it helps, imagine you're borrowing their headache for fifteen minutes and you're returning it cleaner.
- Who counts: people who do the job, feel the pain, and have tried something already.
- Where to find them: your past emails, LinkedIn searches by role, relevant communities, local meetups, Slack groups, or introductions from friends who say, "Oh, you should talk to..."
The invite message
Keep it light and clear that you're not selling. This opens doors.
Subject: 10-min reality check?
Hey [Name] — I'm exploring [problem context] and I'm trying to understand how people like you handle it today. I'm not selling anything. Could I borrow 10–15 minutes to learn how you approach it? Happy to send notes back so it's useful for you. If yes, here are a few times that might work: [options].
The 15-minute script that keeps you listening
Print this, or keep it on your screen. The goal is to hear their world in their words. You'll talk less than a third of the time.
- Warm permission (30s):
- "Thanks for making time. Mind if I take notes so I don't miss anything?"
- "I'm exploring this space and not selling anything today."
- Context snapshot (1 min):
- "What's your role, and what does a typical week look like regarding [problem area]?"
- The last time story (3–4 min):
- "Walk me through the last time [problem] happened. When was that?"
- "What kicked it off? Then what?"
- Current workaround (2 min):
- "How do you handle it today? What tools, spreadsheets, people, hacks?"
- "What's annoying about that?"
- Magnitude (1–2 min):
- "How often does this come up? Weekly? Monthly?"
- "Roughly how much time/money/energy does it cost when it happens?"
- Constraints (1–2 min):
- "What has stopped you from fixing this already? Budget? Approval? Risk? Habits?"
- Alternatives tried (1–2 min):
- "Have you tried anything else? What worked, what didn't, why?"
- Ideal outcome (1 min):
- "If this were great six months from now, what would be different?"
- Signals of urgency (1 min):
- "What happens if you don't address it?"
- "Who else is affected?"
- Lightweight commitment (1 min):
- "If I write up what I heard, can I send it back to check I got it right?"
- Referrals (30s):
- "Who else should I talk to—two people who also wrestle with this?"
- Close (30s):
- "Thank you. Anything I didn't ask that I should have?"
When you're tempted to pitch, borrow these lines
- "Say more about that."
- "What makes that hard?"
- "How do you handle it today?"
- "Can you walk me through the last time?"
- "What did you try, and what happened?"
- "If you had a magic wand, what would it change about this?"
What actually happened in my first ten
I went looking for validation and came back with a map. The first call was a polite shrug. The second was a surprise. By the fifth, a pattern had its hand on my shoulder.
"Honestly, the tool isn't the problem. Getting my team to use it is."
That line rearranged the furniture in my head. I'd been obsessing over features; they were wrestling with adoption, change, and time.
"We do it in spreadsheets because we can start today and no one has to ask permission."
Ah—speed and autonomy beat perfection. Suddenly, "hard to migrate" mattered more than "powerful dashboards."
"If it saves me a Friday afternoon once a month, I'm in."
Not daily agony. Monthly relief. I had been solving a different rhythm.
By ten conversations, the idea I started with had lost weight and gained muscle. Nobody bought anything. I didn't sell. Yet people began saying, "When you have something, I'll try it." Funny how respect works.
Capturing what you hear
A single page per person keeps the signal crisp. After each call, take five minutes and fill this in while it's still warm:
- Person and role
- Context (industry, team size, tools)
- Exact phrases they used to describe the pain
- Last-time story notes (timeline, triggers, consequences)
- Workarounds and why they persist
- Frequency and cost (time, money, stress)
- Constraints and blockers
- Surprises and contradictions
- Referrals and next steps
When the song repeats, ask for two more
You'll know you're close when answers start sounding the same and new calls only add color, not new verses. That's when you ask gently for a little more skin in the game—still without selling.
A quiet close that isn't selling
"I'm going to sketch a lightweight way to test what we talked about. Would you be open to looking at a rough version and telling me what's off?"
"If I send a brief summary of what I heard, will you reply with corrections or what I missed?"
"Is there a specific moment in your month where this bites? Could I ping you that week to see it live?"
These are favors, not funnels. You're building with, not at, people.
Your turn—then jot what you learned
Line up ten, listen like a detective, and let the shape of the real problem pick you. When you're done, capture the reflections while they're fresh—what surprised you, what you're dropping, what you're doubling down on. Jot it in your notes or on your blog so future-you can see the path forming under your feet. You can start for free with the Jaopaya Framework and let it hold your interviews, insights, and next experiments in one place. Then take a breath, and schedule the next two conversations before momentum cools.
